college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
