I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They have beer where we have blood.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
