apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize