I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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