I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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