Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
