So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
