Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
