lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it because I queefed?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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