But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
