Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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