I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
