Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
