you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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