I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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