since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
