The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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