my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He passed out mid-signature
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize