He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
