I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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