this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
