Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
