Please, let me fuck your mom
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
