my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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