so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
