i may or may not be watching the land before time
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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