you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
where am i from again
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
