Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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