Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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