isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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