all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
