he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found the puke drawer
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
