apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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