I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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