do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was like eating out sand paper
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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