I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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