It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
