How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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