I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Life is so much better after having sex.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize