The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
