More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
