So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
