Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Congratulations! We have a period
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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