she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
