Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
