I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
