so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
