I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
