I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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