dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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