So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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