How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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