**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize