My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
