who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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