I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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