she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
