well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
