I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
