wat bout pragnant strippers??
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
