my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize