Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
