Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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