i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
