OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
