Swine flu. Run for my life!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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