3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
