Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
