There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
