i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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