You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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