When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
